


Hate to say that I need you

by akfanficlove



Series: Don't you want my teenage dream? - A Dalton AU [26]
Category: Dalton Academy Series, Glee
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, College, Dalton Academy, Dalton Academy Warblers, Fear of losing, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I Love You, Loss, M/M, POV Blaine Anderson, Warbler Blaine Anderson, a little hurt, acceptence letter, admission, seblaine, seblaine endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28985601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akfanficlove/pseuds/akfanficlove
Summary: The school year is coming to an end and on Blaine's desk is a growing pile of letters from colleges. He can't wait! Sebastian, however, doesn't share his excitement and it takes one special sentence to get him to open up about his feelings.Title from Ben Platt's "Bad Habit", one of my favorite songs. Part of my "Don't you want my teenage dream?"-series.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Don't you want my teenage dream? - A Dalton AU [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853698
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title - once again - by Ben Platt from his beautiful album "Sing to me instead". I'm so, so sorry that I'm late 🙈

It sits on his desk. Mocking him. Judging him. He knows it. A pile of letters, some bigger, some smaller, all turned upside down so he won’t be tempted to read the addresser. His mum brought them over on Tuesday, yet he’s still expecting some more over the rest of the week before the opening ceremony on Sunday at 5pm. _3 more days and 5 hours but who’s counting?_ Blaine sighs and tries to turn his focus back to his French class.

“What’s up, Anderson, _tu t'ennuies_?”, Sebastian whispers into his left ear. (Are you bored?)

Blaine groans quietly and closes his eyes for a few seconds. _The French… he has a kink for that and that bastard knows it all too well._

__

He clears his throat. “Oh my God, stop that! No. Mademoiselle Dubois is really… trying her best.”

Sebastian chuckles. “And still, here you are, not taking any notes.”

Blaine looks down at his empty sheet. “Mum brought over some of the letters that arrived already.”

“Did you open them?”

“Not yet, I –”

“Monsieur Anderson, Monsieur Smythe! Quelque chose que vous aimeriez partager avec le reste de la classe?” (Is there something you want to share with the rest of the class?)

Sebastian smiles brightly. “Non, Mademoiselle. Je suis desolé.“ (No, Miss, I am sorry.)

“Repoussez votres conversations privées jusqu’après la fin du cours.” (Delay your private conversations until after class is finished.)

“Oui, Mademoiselle…”, Blaine murmurs sheepishly. Sebastian grins.

“Stop looking at the table, Blaine…”

Sebastian’s laying with his back on Blaine’s bed, his blazer discarded on the dresser and the book for his English Lit class in his hands covering his face. Blaine is sitting at Sebastian’s feet, his knees pulled up and his Biology notes in his lap. Yet, Sebastian is right, he keeps sneaking glances to the pile of letters to his right on his desk. _It’s still like it’s mocking him: ‘You want to open me, I know you want to. But you can’t!’_

“Unless you developed an x-ray vision, you won’t be able to read them from that far away anyways, B, so give it up.”

“I know.” Blaine sighs and turns his head to the left to look at Sebastian but his boyfriend has his nose buried in his book. “Aren’t **you** curious? I saw a few letters on your dresser today morning…”

Sebastian sighs and puts the book on his belly. “Sure I am. But the ceremony isn’t until Sunday, right? And we promised to wait. **I** can.” He puts the book back up.

“I know, I know. But I’m sooo curious.” He puts his notes aside, turns his whole body and leans over to squeeze Sebastian’s thigh. “Can you imagine? Just a few more weeks and we’re out of here. College, a new city, new friends – a totally new experience. Aren’t you excited? I am excited.”

Sebastian just grunts. _Not so excited then._ But Blaine doesn’t let that dim his mood. He sounds cheery when he says: “Come on, Seb”, he shakes his leg, “This is a new beginning! I love Dalton, really, I am so glad that I came back but just think how awesome it will be when we’re in a group of people who are interested in the same things.”

He sighs happily.

“College performances of beautiful plays, music theory, dance classes… wherever I will go, it will be amazing and full of awesome people, I am sure.”

Sebastian stays silent.

“Hey, are you listening?”

“Yes.”

Blaine furrows his brows. “Okay, Seb, a conversation is a dialogue, it would be nice if you could –”

“Blaine, I’m trying to study here.” Sebastian’s voice is sharp and he doesn’t put the book down, so Blaine grabs it from above and gently pushes until he can see Sebastian’s face. His lips are tight and he rolls his eyes in frustration. _Frustrated for what?_

“Sebastian, what’s – ?”

“Blaine, seriously, I have a test tomorrow.” Sebastian puts the book up again. _End of conversation._

They sit next to each other in silence for about half an hour. He doesn’t get it, Sebastian should be ecstatic. He of all people should be thrilled to get out of here, to go to a bigger city, to meet other quick-witted people to argue with for fun. Blaine just doesn’t understand why he won’t talk to him about it. After 10 more minutes – Sebastian traded his Math book for his laptop to get started on a History paper – he can’t take it anymore.

He pushes a hand against the top of Sebastian’s laptop to close it.

“Why aren’t you happier about school ending?”

Sebastian sighs and runs his hand over his face.

“What?”

“You should be excited to the point where you’re already packing because you can’t wait to leave Ohio. Finally leaving this small town, the bigotry and narrow-mindedness behind. Go to a place where they might even serve you Courvoisier in your coffee without flinching”, he says with a wink but Sebastian seems to not be in the mood for joking.

“Blaine, you might be hooked to go to one of the cute little artsy schools where you applied, a place where everyone is _so bubbly_ and _so creative_ and _so nice_ that it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it.”

Blaine’s face twists into a look of hurt.

“I for one know exactly what college means: It’s stress, exams all the time to the point where you can’t keep up with studying without getting too less sleep and stupid frat parties where everyone is so desperate to make friends that they keep drinking until they throw up on their own shoes. All in all, not something I’m much looking forward to.”

Blaine shakes his head. _This is ridiculous, Sebastian’s motto has always been to work hard but to play hard, too._

“That’s not true. First of all, I applied to bigger universities, too. And I know that college will be a lot of work, I’m not stupid.”

Sebastian sighs, sits up and puts the laptop on the floor. “I didn’t mean it like that…”

“So, what did you mean?”

“Blaine, do you never think about what you’re leaving behind? Not only this town but your friends, your family, your… life?”

_There’s something he’s not saying…_

“My family will still be here when I come home to visit. And we have so many possibilities to keep in contact with friends today. I’m not leaving them behind, we are moving forward together.”

“In different directions.”

“In some ways, yes.”

“And you’re not afraid of losing them?”

“Of course. I just hope that our friendship is strong enough and we are so keen on staying friends that we will find ways to stay connected.”

“What if it’s not?”

Blaine frowns and falls silent for a minute. There’s something in Sebastian’s eyes, a seriousness he can’t really place and something else underneath, maybe some kind of fear or pain and Blaine doesn’t understand _why is it there and how did the conversation spiral out of control so quickly?_

“Seb, what is this **really** about?” He asks slowly and crawls up on his bed until he straddles Sebastian’s thighs. “What are you so afraid of? Is this about Hunter?”

Sebastian huffs and wraps his arms around Blaine’s hips. “Hunter? No.”

“Who else? Barry?”, he tries to lift the mood with a joke, “It’s surely not Trent you’ll miss!” It works, at least a little, because Sebastian chuckles and looks at him.

“No, I definitely won’t miss Trent stomping on my feet every rehearsal.”

Blaine just looks at him and waits for a proper answer. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Sebastian squirms but _that can’t be, Sebastian never squirms._

An exasperated sigh leaves Sebastian. “What if…”, he looks down and his thumb starts caressing Blaine’s lower back. “What if… I mean…”

Blaine raises his hands and cups Sebastian’s cheeks.

“What if you’re leaving me behind?”

Blaine narrows his eyes and scrunches his nose. _Wait, what?_

“What are you talking about, Seb?”

Sebastian inhales deeply and lifts his gaze.

“What if we don’t end up close enough? What if **we’re** not enough and long-distance breaks us? You meet some, I don’t know, sensitive music major that writes you poems and makes you chocolate chip pancakes and yes, I know that you still prefer them although they are way unhealthier than blueberry pancakes or crêpes.”

Blaine chuckles. “I’d never trade your crêpes for anyone’s attempt at half-decent chocolate chip pancakes.”

“I’m serious, B”, Sebastian sounds strained, “I’m only an acceptable boyfriend at best when we’re here together, how do you think it’ll end if we were miles apart? People love you, you’ll find friends in no time and what are the odds that you’ll find someone better than me? Someone who’s… more like you?”

Blaine breathes a laugh, shakes his head and rolls his eyes fondly.

“Duh. For someone so smart you can be so clueless.”

He starts running the fingers of his right hand through Sebastian’s hair while his left hand still cups the other’s face. Sebastian leans into his touch, _fingers in his hair are one of his weaknesses after all._

“Why on earth would you think that you are only – and I quote – ‘an acceptable boyfriend at best’ when you do all these little things that amaze me? You kiss me before we part before classes and when we meet afterwards. You reach for my hand when we’re close. You bring me coffee when I’m stressed, you listen when I just want to rant and whenever I doubt myself, you look at me like it’s sacrilege to do so because you honest to God believe that I’m this awesome person.”

He shakes his head fondly.

“And why would you think that some stoned music major could whisk me away just like that when my heart still stutters every single time I remember that you’re really my _boyfriend_? It took so long for us to get here, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I don’t need someone to write me poems, I started writing my own music, remember? I can easily write myself my own poems if I wanted some. And honestly, nothing’s better than your crêpes – besides maybe the macarons we had for our grandiose first date. Again, something this mysterious music guy you are so afraid of could never pull off, I’m sure.”

There’s still doubt in Sebastian’s eyes, though way less than before. Blaine wants to erase every ounce of it anyways. _There’s probably just one way to achieve that…_ He smiles.

“You, Sebastian Smythe, are a pain in the ass – but you’re **my** pain in the ass. You’re arrogant, too cocky for your own good and you should really write a long apology letter to Jeff for before Nationals because the poor boy is honestly afraid of you now. You can be mean when you get defensive, you can be selfish and rude.”

Sebastian snorts. “Please, Anderson, don’t hold back.”

Blaine kisses the tip of his nose.

“What I’m saying is, you are all that and so much more. You help out friends in need, even though you don’t want anyone to know that you do indeed have a heart. I know it hurts you that you don’t see you mum that often, that you miss Paris and that you did some awful things and went through awful things in the past.”

He takes a deep breath.

“And this is why I love you. With all my heart, I love you and no, I never think about how it might be if we didn’t end up being in colleges close to each other because for me that’s a horrible thought which I will push away as long as I can.”

Sebastian stares at him with wide eyes, his hands completely stilled.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back yet”, Blaine hurries to add, “we haven’t been together for long and –”

“I love you, too.”

Blaine’s mouth opens slightly. “You don’t have to say that if you don’t mean it.”

“I mean it. I love you, Blaine Anderson, and that’s why I can’t lose you. When I think about not being with you after it took us so long to get here…” His voice breaks. “I used to think it’s silly when people say that they are better together. And I know that I probably **could** live without you. But I’d rather not.”

There he was, _the real Sebastian_. The boy behind all this bravado and smooth one-liners. Raw emotions evident on his face. And Blaine’s heart _melts_.

Blaine likes attention. He’s a performer, that’s kind of part of the job description. And not only on stage, he likes it in his everyday life, too, and he gets it. He’s genuinely nice and likes to give the people around him a good feeling because he thrives on making other people happy. He likes to feel needed and be popular and for others to confide in him because they trust him. But it's also pretty exhausting.

Maybe that’s what attracted him about Sebastian at first, the way that when he talked to him, it was like he was the only important person in this world. All his attention centered on Blaine but always laced with a certain tone of admiration. He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy the flattery, the compliments, even the innuendo. That was probably part of the problem while he was still in a relationship with Kurt. But more than anything, he thinks, he liked to feel seen and heard. Acknowledged. Like it is enough to just be himself for being liked.

However, when they rekindled their friendship, he realized how much he had missed Sebastian. Not only his undivided attention but the little things that showed that he really cared, deep down. It had been hard to break through all of Sebastian’s defense mechanisms, tear down all his walls. It was frustrating, especially because it always seemed so easy for Sebastian to read him.

So yeah, at first he might’ve enjoyed Sebastian’s company for the attention and affirmation. But now? Now he sees the boy he always knew was there. Someone who is brave enough to bare his fears and weaknesses, trust that he will take them seriously and meet them with honesty.

“If you could just see yourself like I see you”, Blaine whispers and rests their foreheads against each other.

“I can just be myself when I’m with you, I don’t have to try hard to impress you. I’ve been alone and scared when I came back and all you ever did was support me. Who cares what mistakes you made in the past, I did things I’m not proud of, we all did. But for you I’ve always been enough, Seb.”

His voice is thick with emotion when he breathes: “Just let us grow as we go, together. I don’t need anything, just love me and that’s all I ask of you. That would be enough.”

There’s a pause, only Blaine’s sniffling disturbs the calm as he tries to get his emotions back in check. Then, he hears Sebastian chuckle.

“Did you just quote Ben Platt, Phantom of the Opera **and** Hamilton in one sentence, Killer?”, Sebastian laughs and the tension of their serious conversation fades away when Blaine mock-pouts.

“So what if I did?”

Sebastian grins at him and mumbles “You are adorable…” before he kisses him. Blaine can taste some saltiness from a few stray tears but can’t say if they were his own or Sebastian’s. When they break apart, Sebastian looks up at him and says: “Okay, no more serious talk. We’ll just wait until Sunday. Maybe this sappy stunt we just pulled here was all for nothing…”

“It wasn’t for nothing, I want you to share your feelings with me. And I want to be able to share mine.”

“Ugh, is that the ‘relationship’-part of this relationship-thing we have going?”, Sebastian groans.

Blaine grins. “Talking about feelings? Yeah, that’s pretty much a big part of ‘this relationship-thing we have going’, Seb.”

“Damn, who knew it would be so exhausting? I should’ve stuck to ogling your ass during Warblers-practice.”

“I’m pretty sure ogling my ass is part of the ‘relationship-thing’-package, too.”

“Really?”, Sebastian grins back and slides his hands over the curve of Blaine’s butt.

Blaine hums. “Mhm. ‘Boyfriend-privileges’, they call it.”

“Why, Mr. Anderson, and you’re only telling me about this now? What a shame, what a waste of time, I despise you.”

Blaine laughs when Sebastian pushes himself up and turns them around, pinning Blaine underneath him. “No, you don’t, you love me!”

Sebastian’s green eyes are glistering with mischief and it makes Blaine’s breath catch in his throat when Sebastian murmurs “Yes, I do…” before he kisses him.


	2. Next work: The room where it happens

It's the annual Warblers' acceptence-letter-cerenomy where they open the answers to their college applications. All is going well until Sebastian receives a letter in French and Blaine gets lost in his own head. Hurt and angst follow.

Title obviously a "Hamilton"-reference.

[Read it here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29160384)

Part of my "Don't you want my Teenage Dream?"-series.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to a more or less regular schedule with new works every Monday! If you want to get notifications when the new chapter is out, just subscribe to this work (since I always add a chapter with the link to the next part), subscribe to this series or to my account. Or check back in a week :)  
> As always, feel free to leave some love and let me know what you think. Find me on Insta (ann_kathrin_seidel), TikTok (akfanfivlove) or here in the comment section, waiting for your words to brighten my days :)

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry for the angst/hurt-part in the middle 😄
> 
> We're back to a more or less regular schedule with new works every Monday! If you want to get notifications when the new chapter is out, just subscribe to this work (since I always add a chapter with the link to the next part), subscribe to this series or to my account. Or check back in a week :)  
> As always, feel free to leave some love and let me know what you think. Find me on Insta (ann_kathrin_seidel), TikTok (akfanfivlove) or here in the comment section, waiting for your words to brighten my days :)


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